Staying Sane: Akihiko Sanada
by XarianHeart
Summary: This entered my head as I was playing P3P and thinking what if The Answer wasn't really what happened after the game. Multiple pairings. Rating for adult themes and languge.
1. Chapter 1

Staying Sane: Akihiko Sanada

Over the course of this process I think I must have been asked by each remaining member of the team 'why'. Why would I work so hard to give everyone hope, only to turn around and try to end my one life. Why would I give up the fight when fighting was something I did so well. These questions have been presented to me over and over, yet I have no answer. I was able to justify it to myself, but I would never be able to justify it to _them_. None of the remaining SEES members knew me well enough for that.

Mina and Shinji had passed on. Their deaths were relatively close together. Mina died at noon on March 10th. I had been there when she slipped away, loyally by her side and holding her hand. The doctors had told everyone she died of a lack of energy, as if that final battle had literally taken everything she had. No one truly understood what I had actually lost that day. She would have been my wife, she was my everything, and she carried my child.

From what we could tell, it happened on Christmas Eve. It made fighting that last battle all the more difficult for me. She wanted to take down Nyx for everyone, but especially for me and the child we had created together. Part of me did feel bad. After all, she was Shinji's girl and he was alive. She had been lonely and I was willing to fill that void. We had told no one, at her request, and I wanted to hide it from all of the group members. I managed to talk to the doctors about privacy and dignity, and luckily her condition in that regard was never reported to Mitsuru.

Shinji must have known when she left. On March 11th the doctors declared him brain dead. Mitsuru decided to order him off life support after it was explained that Shinji would have been completely unable to talk, walk, or be himself even if he somehow did wake up. It bothered me that Mitsuru was the one to decide his fate when he was my best friend and my only remaining family. At least this way he was able to join Mika and Mina. I knew he would want that.

Perhaps that line of thinking was the answer to my 'why'. I was here and completely alone. I desperately wanted to see Miki again, to apologize to Shinji for touching Mina, to let Mina know how sorry I was for not protecting her. It didn't matter hat started the thinking but I kept telling myself how hopeless it all was.

In reality, it was so easy. I didn't have to talk myself up or convince myself it was the right thing. Even the method in which I would end my life was as natural as breathing. Since Mitsuru had taken our envokers, I had a hole in my heart. I never thought I'd miss Ceaser so much, though in a way, I suppose he was the very last friend I had lost. Anyway, Aigis had plenty of guns. Even stealing one was simple.

It was completely different from my envoker. The metal was cold and it felt very heavy in my hands, especially after I had loaded it. Still I wanted it to feel right, I wanted to become one with Ceaser again, so I held it just like I always had. For the first time it felt awkward to hold the gun this way, upside down against my forehead.

I don't remember my thoughts at that moment. I imagine it was about as happy as I had been in months. I didn't even notice when Junpei, Yukari, and Aigis walked in. What I do remember is how tense I became when I heard Junpei's voice, how my blood went cold and I couldn't move from my compromising position.

"Akihiko-senpai? I thought we turned our envokers in to Mitsuru-senpai." His naivety was amusing. He was easily the slowest in our group.

Aigis was not a fool though. "That is _not_ an envoker." Even now, as I sit about to end it all, I was amazed by how human Aigis was becoming. She sounded almost worried despite the robotic tone that remained in her voice. Before I even realized she had crossed the room, there was a sharp pain in my wrist as she twisted my hand away from my forehead. My hand must have tensed and pulled the trigger because a blast deafened me briefly. The bullet was lodged harmlessly in the wall, which I have no doubt was her intention.

With Yukari and Junpei there, I felt uncomfortable trying to wrestle for a loaded gun. I wanted to end my life, not theirs. I released my hold on it with a heavy sigh. Doing so made me tremble. I needed that release and it was the only way that felt right.

Yukari was crying and Junpei was shocked. Neither were in a position to take control, with Mina gone we were lost. At least Aigis could remain calm and give out orders. Her cold metal hand still squeezing my wrist like a vice was a poor substitute for Mina's warm assuring one. "Yukari-chan, please go inform Mitsuru-senpai. She will need to call the hospital and have a room prepared. Junpei-kun, watch him while I secure all the firearms to prevent any further complications."

They followed her with ease. It wasn't until she released my wrist that I realized how badly it hurt. I put my left hand over it as if somehow it would keep the swelling down. Junpei must have gotten over his shock fairly quickly. "Senpai…why? Why would you do this?"

It was my first 'why'. My head wasn't ready and I actually tried to come up with something. Nothing I could rationalize seemed like something Junpei would understand. I was sick of losing everything I care about. I didn't want to be alone. I'm not strong enough to go on. None of it seemed sufficient. "…You wouldn't understand."

At least _he_ didn't argue with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: **Thank you for all of the kind words. It occurred to me that people were probably confused because I forgot the Authors Note in the last chapter. This story is the first in what I'm hoping to be a series following each person after the events in the game. In my little world Shinji died while in his coma shortly after Minako, the fem. Protagonist. Anyway, thank you again for the reviews and keep reading, it will get more interesting I promise!

**Warnings: **This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Two

It wasn't that I hated hospitals per say. They served their purposes. In the past year I had become pretty desensitized to the experience between my injuries, Koromaru's injuries, questioning Chidori, and visiting Mina and Shinji before they died. Hell, I had even gotten to know a few nurses. Their familiarity with me was hard. Everyone on my floor seemed to know why I was there. The way they looked at me made me uncomfortable, these looks of pity and sadness. As if they knew me.

Either way, it wasn't the fact that I was stuck in the hospital that made me so angry. It was my treatment there. The first few days were normal. I needed surgery on my wrist and a cast put on. Damn Aigis. For a short time an IV was connected through the back of my other hand that dripped a mixture of pain medication and antibiotics. A nurse sat with me but didn't really make herself a bother.

Then I started to wake up. The doctors took me to a less powerful medication and my head was clear. The IV bag was removed, but a plastic port remained taped to my hand waiting for something to be pushed through my veins again. The port itself was a cause for a lot of frustration. Every few hours the nurse would 'flush' it out with saline solution. It was cold and uncomfortable. The way it was taped in place made doing anything with that hand difficult leaving me without the use of either. Even sleeping became a pain in the ass. I asked what the purpose of it was but my inquiries were met with vague answers at best. Apparently it was 'just in case'.

The nurse became more like a babysitter than a silent roommate. Someone must be in my room at all times. I was allowed no privacy even when going to the bathroom, leaving the door open just in case I decided to try to drown myself in the toilet I suppose. My personal belongings where locked up, least I strangle myself with shoelaces or my belt. I ate with my hands because, god forbid, I stab myself with wooden chopsticks. All of it was undignified. It proved even further how little they knew me.

So there I sat with little to do and no pride. Mostly I was angry at my failed attempt. I went from being in horrible emotional anguish to a more physically uncomfortable place. It was like some adult equivalent of a spanking. The passing of days was easy to track. I had to eat three meals a day and the nurses would keep the window open, all of them thought 'the fresh air would do me good'. Still it didn't seem right. I would eat lunch and feel like hours and hours had passed only to look up and it be only thirty minutes later.

When Mitsuru showed up as the first break in monotony I wasn't exactly thrilled either. Though I've known her for several years now, I didn't feel as close to her as I should. Still she was obviously distressed. She held her head low and her jaw was clenched, but still she demanded authority. "I will watch over him during my visit. Please excuse us."

The nurse bowed deeply. I couldn't remember her name, their shifts came and went and I didn't really care who was in the room anymore. She slipped outside to sit in a chair I knew was out there and closed the door behind her.

As soon as we were alone I could feel Mitsuru's harsh eyes on me. Usually that look and the way she held herself scared me. For some reason though, I didn't care this time. What was the worst she could do to me after all? I've lost too much to worry about losing anything else. "Akihiko…I'd be lying if I said your actions didn't surprise me. As cliché as it sounds you were the last person I expected to fall so far to your emotions. Was losing Minako that hard on you?"

It was her own way of asking 'why'. Mitsuru was probably the last person I wanted to talk to regarding this. She was cold and never really bothered to try to understand me anyway. She had grown close to Mina near the end, after her father died. Even Mina didn't want to tell her about the pregnancy for fear that she would turn it into something bad, something we had done wrong, when Mina had wanted it to be a good thing. I responded the only way I knew how to deal with her. "Mitsuru, don't."

"I will not accept being brushed off. Was it not you that told everyone to move on when Shinjiro was first injured? Amada tells me you told him the importance of being the one left behind. Are you the same Akihiko Sanada that gave him that hope, or was all of that a lie?"

"I said don't, Mitsuru! I'm not in the mood." The sound of her voice grated on my nerves. All of the anger I felt at my own situation focused on her and the sound of her voice. I had failed, I was powerless and stripped of the few comforts I had left, and here she stood before me acting so stuck up.

"Then this is about Shinjiro? I already told you he could not be saved. I decided to take him off life support. Blaming yourself will get you no where. He was brain dead. There was no chance he would ever be the Shinjiro you knew again."

The way she talked made my blood boil. I hated her at that moment. She only further proved she didn't know be by making assumptions on my feelings, incorrect assumptions at that. My mouth moved on its own accord as my anger blinded me to all reason. "Mitsuru! I don't want to talk about it! You sit there running your mouth, pretending you're in charge! Like you're somehow better than me! What the hell do you know about anything!"

I truly wasn't thinking. My right hand came up and slammed down on the plastic bed frame. I suppose I was trying to scare her. I only managed to send stabbing pains through my whole arm. It made me realize how pathetic it all was. The pain has snapped me out of my angry fit and left behind it the realization that Aigis had snapped my wrist to easily, like a twig, and now I couldn't even overcome my situation to defend myself from Mitsuru. "Damn…"

The sentiment came out before I was able to stop it. As if now even my body was mocking me. I felt Mitsuru's soft hand touch my good one and I was drawn to look up at her. I immediately regretted it when her usual cold red eyes were filled with guilt and pity. "…Akihiko…you are hurting right now, both physically and emotionally. As much as I know neither is a direct result of my actions I can't help but take some responsibility. After all, much of your pain was brought about by event that took place during your time as a member of SEES."

"Damn it, Mitsuru…please just go away." I couldn't stand it anymore, she was like torture. With every word images flooded my head of combat, shadows, and that one large, ominous moon. Her soft hand on mine was so much like Mina's and that only made me think of her. I could feel hot tears well up in my eyes and everything inside of me felt like it was going to burst like a dam that was at its limits.

_You're such a crybaby._

It was Shinji's voice. Somehow I knew it as in my head, that no one else could hear him like I could. "Damn it, Mitsuru…" I felt like a broken record as I repeated the curse over and over, but she did this to me. She wouldn't let the memories go away.

"I'm sorry, Akihiko, but I can't. I convinced you to join SEES, like I convinced Shinjiro. The Kirijo group caused the dark hour and Nyx's coming. Though it might not be my fault personally, as the leader of the Kirijo group I will do all that is in my power to help you."

"If you wanted to help me you'd let me die." I had wanted to yell that, to show her my conviction in the matter. Instead my voice sounded foreign in my own ears. It was choked and soft as I struggled to hold back tears like some scared child. God, I was pathetic.

She turned around and completely dismissed my comment with the wave of her hand. "A...specialist has been hired to come and speak with you on a daily basis. This hospital is not equipped to resolve this kind of issue, however I feel it is the only way I can give you the help you _need_. This is my decision, no matter what you think you _want_ at this moment." With that the great Mitsuru Kirijo walked out of my room. I wished with all my heart at that moment she would walk out of my life just as easily.

Still, a specialist. She meant a shrink. Now they all thought I was crazy. Great. I didn't want to admit it, but part of me probably was…


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Notes**: So here's where the story will get a little more interesting. There will be a little less angst from here on out, after all this is about him trying to stay sane so he has to heal at some point. I have added an OC. It's just for purposes of moving the story, she will only play the role of the therapist. No relationship's or mary-sue here. If no one likes her I will try to find a way to edit her out slowly. Other than that, happy 4th everyone!

**Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Three

The next day was probably the worst time to have to meet someone new. I had a nightmare and the nurse had woken me in a panic. The nightmare itself was real to the point of being terrifying and the content made me feel ill just to try to recall. After throwing myself around my broken wrist hurt more than it ever had and I was given more pain medication. With the damn port still in my hand there was little I could do and the same nurse helped me comb my hair. I was slowly becoming reliant on them for everything. I hated it.

At least the day was going to be broken up by something. At least that's what I kept telling myself. I didn't want some old man coming in at telling me I was crazy when he never spoken to me before. At least I didn't have to wait long, it was ten in the morning when the door opened. I was a little surprised to see a woman in her late twenties step in. She wasn't at all the image you get when you think of a shrink.

"Sanada-san. Good morning. My name is Aoi Sasaki. I was hired by Mitsuru Kirijo to come and speak with you."

Her smile was bright and reassuring, but I could see through her. This was the 'specialist'. The shrink. She was the one that was going to judge me, she was going to keep asking me why over and over again. She was going to try to fix me. I knew that the others were shocked at my actions, but I didn't need fixed. I just needed to be left alone. "...Good morning, Sasaki-sensei."

"Now, I think we have the introductions out of the way. Would it be alright with you if I called you Akihiko for now? You don't have to address me as sensei either. Aoi is fine. We can be friends, you and I."

It seemed like dangerous territory. To be friends with her, still she was being polite so I found myself nodding. I had to keep myself prepared. Any minute now she'd start with the accusations, with the questions, just like Mitsuru. It scared me that she could have the authority to put me in a mental institution. I didn't want to be labeled crazy.

"You're thinking very hard, Akihiko. You don't need to. When I am here in your room you can relax. The nurse watching you has left and we have complete privacy. Anything you tell me is completely confidential. There's no reason for you to be afraid to say what's on your mind."

I swallowed hard. "I feel fine." I managed to mutter.

She nodded. "Of coarse." She took out a pen and pad of paper and read over some notes. "The nurse tells me you had a nightmare this morning. Do you want to talk about it?"

My heart skipped a beat. The memory of the nightmare made me cringe. It filled me with terror and I could still hear that unfamiliar scream echoing in my head. "I...I don't know."

I was vaguely aware that she was talking again. Something about boxing. I didn't really care. She had opened this flood gate of emotions, as Mitsuru had, and I was consumed by this memory. Part of me felt like it was going to destroy me if I didn't let it out.

"I..." a lump in my throat formed and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from losing resolve in my voice. "I was on a ship...like a cruise ship I suppose. Down below deck with these hallways leading to little bedrooms. No one else was there and everything was dark." For some reason I expected her to interrupt me or ask some kind of question. When I looked up she was just watching me, listening intently to what I had to say. She wasn't even taking notes on her little pad of paper.

Somehow that was reassuring. Like what I had to say wasn't condemning me somehow. "But I started noticing that there was water everywhere. I thought the ship was sinking. I wanted to get out before I drowned...so I started to run."

_You're such a crybaby._

Shinji's voice again. I was able to wipe my eyes before I continued the dream. I was desperate to keep myself from crying, even as the screams filled my head. "Then I heard this sound. I didn't know what it was at first, then I realized it was someone crying. An infant was screaming out. I couldn't just leave it there to die! I looked everywhere...I did. I tried to find it but the screaming never got closer or farther away. Somehow deep down I knew it was my-"

I managed to stop myself in time. My baby. Our baby. I hadn't been able to protect Mina or our unborn child. Now I was paying for it with these haunting nightmares. Still she didn't ask or say anything. "Then the nurse woke me up...I can still hear the baby crying sometimes. Like it's haunting me."

Aoi nodded a little and reached in her jacket pocket. "Mitsuru tells me your girlfriend recently passed away. Minako, right? It was just before you were emitted here."

I nodded sadly. "I miss her..."

Then, Aoi pulled something from her pocket that made me forget what we had been talking about. It was my wallet. It was old and tattered, I wasn't the kind to keep up with such details. I assumed it had been locked up with all of my clothes I had on when I came to the hospital. It wasn't the wallet itself that got to me, not the ID inside or the money I had. It was what it meant to me, what was inside of it.

"Here. I thought you might want this back. Mitsuru had taken it from your pants pocket to get your ID for admission and paperwork."

She handed it to me but I could feel my heart sinking. "Did...did she look through it?" I opened it slowly and bit my lip. Everything was how I left it at least. Compared to many people, I didn't have a lot in my wallet. I only had four pictures. The first was of Mina in her yukata, it was taken during the festival. That day was an amazing one, I remember the little doll she had won at the lottery game and the food we shared. It always made me smile, so it was the first thing I wanted to see whenever I had to open the wallet. Even now, in spite of myself, I smiled.

The next was a picture of Shinji and I. We both looked so serious. He was holding a small black box with his new fruit knife, and I had a small box with a new watch. They had been good luck presents when we left the orphanage, like a graduation. The memory itself wasn't a happy one, not like the festival anyway, but it was one of the few pictures of Shinji I had from before.

Then was the group picture Junpei had insisted we take. Most people hadn't kept theirs. After all, it wasn't a happy night. Nothing we wanted happened and Mitsuru lost her father. Maybe I was a pack rat and just didn't want to lose it. Maybe it was my reminder that the dark hour was real and not just some passing dream. Either way, I didn't feel like I could part with it.

However, those three things could be forgiven. No one would worry about those pictures. It was the last one, tucked behind Mina's, that worried me. I pulled it from it's hidden prison and unfolded it slowly. The 'picture' was hard to see. In fact, I didn't understand it at all. Black with meaningless white lines and blotches that didn't look like anything. However, circled in red was a white spot that meant more to me than the entire world, shaped like a little peanut.

The only picture there would ever be of our baby.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: **I know I haven't gotten that many reviews, however, I want to reach out now and let you all know I really appreciate what you have said.

Nemo- Thank you so much, your words really helped me write the past few chapters.

Fujoshi- Your reviews always make me smile. You've given me a few things to think about but there will be no spoilers here. You'll just have to wait and see. I think you'll like the chapter after this one though.

**Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Four

I took in the picture and everything it was. The print was damaged slightly from being folded up and the edges where crinkled. I knew I would need to find a better place for it if I wanted it to last. Aoi gave me a few moments in my own thought before she spoke again.

"I believe Mitsuru did check your wallet. She felt it was important I share it with you, Akihiko."

I cringed slightly. If she knew about Mina's pregnancy through this I imagine only negative response from her. For some reason she always seemed so annoyed whenever I took Mina anywhere or did anything with her. I figured she didn't want me to distract our leader and a baby would be a big distraction. Whenever I tried to tell her that Mina was fine and could handle a good rest she'd always walk away in a huff.

"You're still thinking too much. You're reaction isn't uncommon, you know."

I stopped and looked at her. My biggest fear was that everyone was under this delusion that I was crazy. I didn't want or need that label and to me the dream just seemed proof of what everyone else was thinking. "You mean my reaction was normal?"

She knew what I meant and nodded. "Extreme but not uncommon. Many instances where an unborn child is lost cause issues for either parent involved. Even in cases like abortion where it is a willing act can result in nightmares, guilt, and depression."

Guilt. That was a big one. I remember when we went to the doctor and he told us 'the good news'. Mina looked at me and she was so excited, as if she had completely forgotten for a moment about the Dark Hour and our nightly activities involving it, not to mention the normal complications with high school students having children. I had mad a vow to myself at that moment. I would protect her and that smile from Nyx. I would allow her to keep that playful innocence of hers forever so she wouldn't have to worry. Yet, she fought Nyx alone and died for it.

"So you are experiencing heavy guilt?"

The statement caught me off guard as I hadn't said anything. Her ability to read people was frightening. "I-is that strange? That I blame myself…it comes so naturally to me now."

"I assume you have been feeling this kind of guilt for a long time then?" She leaned back and sat her pen down; as if she expected me to make some kind of long speech she needed to get comfortable for. "I'd like it if we could talk about that. I don't know very much about you yet."

At first I felt highly uncomfortable. I hated pity and usually that's what I got when I talked about my childhood. "Is that really necessary?"

"Everyone deals with things differently. Between anxiety, stress, depression, loss, and all sorts of negative emotions people don't know how to react. Commonly, the way we deal with emotions is a process we learn over time. It's my job to help you learn better ways to handle these emotions and lead to a more balanced you."

"Balanced? I feel fine." Her language was beginning to annoy me. Why couldn't anyone see that I was fine? I just needed to be alone.

"No one claimed that anything was wrong with you, Akihiko. I certainly don't see it that way. We are just going to better what's already in place. Together we will work to make the outlets for you emotions less destructive."

I shook my head. It still felt like she was here to change me, or judge me.

Suddenly she sat up straight and looked at her watch. "I'm sorry, Akihiko, but we've already run a little over and I have another appointment. I'm going to leave you my number and you can call me anything for any reason. Even if you just need to talk, and especially about nightmares. Do you have any quick questions for me before I go?"

"What are you going to tell Mitsuru?" It was a legitimate concern. I was still angry with her and didn't need everything I said getting back to her ears.

"I told you before that when I am here, this is a safe place. When the two of use feel that you are no longer a danger to yourself then, together, we will talk to her about going back to your normal life. Until then, I will not pass on anything unless you specifically tell me to and I will not answer any of her questions. Well, I will be back early tomorrow. Until then, try to think a little on what you would like to share with me."

She left just as easily as she came in. I was vaguely aware of whatever nurse was on duty taking her seat in the room, but that didn't matter anymore. I had my pictures, which wasn't even something I realized I was missing. I spent the rest of the day contently reliving the memory of the festival with Mina's smiling face fresh in my mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes**: Thank you all again for the feedback.

TiraMisu- Yes, the other SEES members will be making visits to Akihiko all during his recovery. On top of that if you all enjoy how this one goes I will write other stories involving the issue the other members go through. Expect to see Junpei in the next chapter.

Nemo- The T rating is a good idea and I see your point, I just thought this might be a little dark for a T, especially with a few things that happen later. I didn't want to get in trouble, though I don't know the rating system that well as this is my first story. I'll try it and see how it goes.

**Warnings**: This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Five

With little to do and still no visitors, I found that I slept more than normal. After setting my pictures on the table, I dozed off around nine. The sleep was just as restless as always since losing Mina, but the nightmare didn't seem as bad. It was hard for me to remember it even after I had work with a start covered in sweat.

Out of instinct I grabbed my cell phone. I had been allowed to keep it in case I needed to talk to someone, however I wasn't allowed anywhere near the charger chord. The nurse kept it with her and plugged it in next to her if it needed charged. I flipped it open to see the time and frowned when the screen stayed dark. "Nurse, would you plug in my phone?" I turned to see her station and gasped a little.

Where my nurse should be was a large, ominous coffin. A quick glance out the window reviled the moon. It was too large and too close with a slight green tint. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. The Dark Hour was here again. "This has to be another dream!" My voice came out louder than it needed to. I was trying to convince myself that this wasn't real. There was no way this was the Dark Hour. Mina had sacrificed herself so it would go away. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be.

"You dropped your phone. You shouldn't be so clumsy." The voice that interrupted my thoughts was that of a little boy. Now the crippling fear gave way to an even deeper confusion. I looked up to see a little boy in front of me with my cell phone in his tiny hands. He was probably about six, but he was small and thin. He dressed in striped pajamas far too large for him. He walked on the bottoms of the pants and the sleeves where pushed up around his arms, bunching at the wrists and elbows. One side slipped off his shoulder reveling abnormally pale skin. His most striking feature was his deep ruby eyes and disheveled tuffs of blonde hair. For some reason he made me highly uncomfortable.

"Who are you?" I demanded as he set the phone back on the stand. Something was very wrong about this child.

He giggled and climbed up onto my bed. "That's not really important right now, is it? Look!" He raised both his tiny hands and indicated around the room. "It's back! Aren't you happy now?"

His relaxed manner only made me more uncomfortable. "Are you being treated here too?" I figured in his pajamas he had to just be staying at the hospital like me. The way he responded to the Dark Hour was creepy and frightening. Luckily I didn't see any shadows around.

"You're silly. I came to meet you. I want to be your friend." He smiled wide but his eyes seemed strangely hollow. I didn't like it at all.

"How are you awake during the Dark Hour? Are you a persona user?" Questions upon questions piled in my head and made it hard to organize my thoughts. At one time I would have thought that he was to young to use a persona, but Ken had proven that concept incorrect.

"You mean hows come' I didn't trans…transmor…er transmagr…er turn into a coffin like that nurse lady? I was born cuz' of the Dark Hour. I made the Dark Hour. Of coarse I can be awake during it."

He made the Dark Hour? What did that even mean? "Who are you? Are you a shadow?"

He grinned his strange grin and wrapped his arm around my waist. I didn't know if it was out of fear or curiosity, but something kept me from hitting him away. "It's okay if you don't know me. You'll learn. But tonight I came with a super important super secret message for you!"

"A message? From who?"

"From Oji-chan!" He sat back and looked up at me. "Oji-chan is the best! He says you need to be better."

Oji-chan…uncle, though it seemed very informal. "Who's your uncle? Do I know him?" Now it only got more confusing. How did this kid know me? What was all of this?

"Well, he's just Oji-chan. He says you're making Haha sad. She's been crying. He said she cries all the time now cuz you're sad. So. Oji-chan said stop being a sad crybaby so Haha doesn't have to be sad and scared for you anymore."

Haha…mom, though again he was shockingly informal. Even though his tone was disrespectful, he seemed excited as if he truly cared for the people he was taking about. Still to be called a crybaby by such a little kid stung a little. "How am I making your mother sad? Do I know her?"

He frowned and slipped off my bed with a huff. "The Dark Hour's almost over. But don't worry, I'll come again. I'll even tell Haha you said hello! And remember, don't make her sad anymore. I'll see you soon, Chichi."

He disappeared just as the clock started moving again. My heart was pounding and my head was spinning. I think the nurse might have said something, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to her.

Chichi…dad.

It just had to be a dream.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: **I'm sorry about the slightly longer than normal pause between chapters. I have a hard time updating on weekends, especially with a convention approaching. I have a lot of finishing touches to make on my Chidori cosplay. As always, your reviews warmed my heart and give me inspiration to write. I feel like this chapter didn't go as well. I'm going to play a little of my new game + that I still haven't finished to get myself back in the mindset for next chapter.

a few people- Just for clarification, that is not Pharos. I know it was a little confusing, but the hair and eyes are quite different. Also the child will be referring to many of Mina's friends as 'uncle'. In the last chapter he was referring to Shinji but I will try to make it clearer who he's talking about in the future.

Rewritten Ennui- Thank you for the pointers on honorifics. I have edited the past chapters and going forward I know what to do to make my writing better. I can't thank you enough.

TiraMisu- Since this story is purely from Akihiko's point of view, a lot of the answers about what is going on during the Dark Hour and Tartarus will be left unexplained, but most of the why and how questions will be explained at length. In the next pieces of the story we'll get the view of other SEES members who aren't stuck in the hospital and those will be much more involved.

**Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Six

The nurse on duty tried to get me to go back to sleep after my nightmare. I kept telling myself that's all it was, no matter how real it felt. Aoi came in for our appointment but I avoided talking to her about it. I avoided talking to her about much of anything really. Eventually she gave up and we made small talk about collage, exams, and boxing.

I was a little confused when she didn't seem disappointed. She told me to talk about things when I felt ready, but even so I figured the lack of progress would make her just a little irritated. She left, and the hour we talked only felt like a few minutes. I had the rest of my day with nothing to do. I ended up reaching for my pictures. I figured getting lost in the past was as good a way to waste the day as any other.

Much to my surprise, my phone chirped twice. I flipped it open and saw a new text message from Junpei. I hated the way he typed. "Hey, wut rm r u in? omw their now."

Still, it made me smile a little. I don't know how many times we've gone over the differences between there, their, and they're but he had to be doing it on purpose now. I answered swiftly. "Room 326, third floor to the right of the elevator."

His response was quick, as if he had been anticipating my text. "Sweet. Ttyl."

The prospect of having a visitor made the day sound a lot more interesting. Still, even though it was just Junpei, I felt a little embarrassed. After all, I was stuck in bed and the nurse hadn't combed my hair yet. My pride of self won over my slight desire to look presentable and I decided not to ask for her help in the matter.

It only took Junpei about ten minutes to barge in. He didn't knock. "Hey! Senpai! It's good to see ya'."

"Junpei…where have you been? I expected to have a visitor before now."

"I've been busy with Chidori. They let her out of the hospital and I've been helping her find a place to stay and get stuff together for school. She's joining the senior class with me and Yuka-tan."

He was practically beaming. Chidori had come back to life. 'The power of love conquers all' he had said. At first he left her alone, she didn't remember him really and still didn't. He was going to be a part of her life anyway, without mentioning the Dark Hour. I don't know how he could act like it never happened.

I wasn't going to be so lucky. No half-assed explanation involving love, flowers, and magic would bring Mina back to me. I guess I was bitter. Junpei must have realized because he changed the subject. "Anyway, we've all been pretty worried about you, Senpai. You really scared us there. I know how you feel though."

If anyone understood it was Junpei. He may have Chidori back now, but he had lost her. He had felt the crippling depression. Though he didn't lose as much as I did, he had to understand something. "It's just hard." The sentence was short and to the point. I didn't like talking about my feelings and it was the best I could put into words for him.

The air around Junpei changed. His bright smiling face fell and he looked much more serious. "I know, Akihiko-senpai. You feel lost and alone, like you'll never find happiness again. It's hard to get past it hurting like hell, but you gotta look at Mina's feelings. She'd have a fit if she saw you giving up like this."

His words sparked a sudden memory. _She's been crying…she cries all the time now cuz you're sad. _As rare and shocking as it maybe, Junpei had a point. Mina loved to have fun and smiled most of the time. When she was sad and cried I felt worse than getting hit in a fight. I wanted to protect her smile and here I was, making her cry when she should be at peace. "Yeah. It's the life she gave us, I guess."

Just like it had come, Junpei's serious face was gone. "See, I can be smart when I wanna be."

He kept me busy all day. It was almost like he knew how bored I had been. He rambled on, told jokes and stories. I had missed his upbeat company and he staid all day. It wasn't until the doctors kicked him out after visiting hours were over that he finally left. In the nine hours he was there he never once mentioned the Dark Hour. Either he hadn't noticed it last night, or it really had been a dream. It didn't matter though, I felt better that day. I wasn't as alone as I had originally thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: **So this one is a little longer than the other chapters. I hope it makes up for the long wait between updates. I'm sorry about that, but the next few weeks are hectic for me. This is the first real breakthrough for Aki and the healing can begin, so I hope you can enjoy it.

everyone- thank you for the understanding about the strange updates

Fujoshi and Tiramisu – I'm glad you are supportive of Chidori. She will be mentioned in a few more chapters, but I don't think Akihiko will see anything of her. We will have to wait till Staying Sane: Junpei to see that side of things, I'm afraid. **Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Seven

I stayed up all night that night. The Dark Hour came at exactly midnight, like always. I watched my phone die and the nurse transmogrify. Other than the simple fact that it came, the Dark Hour was completely uneventful. I just ended up bored and tired but I was at least able to confirm that it hadn't been a dream or a vision. Knowing that eased my mind considering it was less likely that I was going insane.

By the time Aoi came for out daily talk, I was feeling very tired. For the past week I'd been sleeping mot of the night with small naps during the day. My body wasn't prepared for the all-nighter. Maybe it was the lack of sleep but she was annoyingly cheerful. "Good morning, Akihiko. Did you sleep alright? You don't look so well."

"I haven't had a real shower in a week, I'm not going to look well." I knew snapping at her wasn't going to help, but she was the person I talked to the most now. I really couldn't stop myself.

She took it well, keeping her passive smile and elegant demeanor. "Unfortunately Mitsuru has left strict instructions that you are not to be left alone at anytime. This hospital has a policy on nurses being in the shower with a patient. It's a liability, you see."

"Everything is a policy or liability. This damn port, no showers, no eating utensils, no cell phone charger, no shoes. I can't get up to train or even take a walk and they go so far as to watch me piss. They all treat me like I'm helpless. I hate it."

"I can tell. You seem to focus on those kinds of negative emotions. Guilt and helplessness seem to keep coming up. I wonder why that is…"

She was fishing for information again. Since we talked about guilt her first visit she kept trying to get me to talk about Miki. I figured Mitsuru had told her about that, but I couldn't talk about Miki yet. "I just…do. Does there have to be a reason?"

She adjusted her tactic and position, as if she was going to drop the subject completely. "I was wondering if we could talk about something today that might be a little difficult for you. I'd like to talk about Minako. Obviously you have misplaced guilt about her death and I'm worried blaming yourself could lead to further break downs."

"Misplaced? It's not misplaced! I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to be there for her and support her. Instead she took on to much on her own and died for it. I promised myself that I wouldn't let her suffer…" Emotions washed over me. Somehow it was like I was feeling everything all at once.

What was worse was as I felt like I was exploding with these emotions she barely reacted at all. She held the same sympathetic and calm smile as if nothing had happened. "Why would you make that promise? According to Mitsuru she was a popular girl who got excellent grades, participated in clubs, and held a part-time job. To me she seemed like a strong and independent woman. Why did she need your protection?"

"That's just it! She could never show weakness to anyone. She took on the world and didn't let anyone help her. No one understood. She had all these friends but she never opened up to anyone until Shinji came along. Then, he was attacked and she pretended like it was okay. She acted like she didn't care and could support everyone else involved." The memories of the night made me tremble. I could still feel the blood on my hands as I held him and how heavy he was as his life slipped away. It was all so vivid and real.

"…But she wasn't okay?"

"It was raining one day soon after Shinji went into his coma. Mina had gotten sick before from being out in the rain and she wasn't home yet. I was worried so I went looking for her. She was sitting all by herself at the shrine, completely soaked through." Just like with Shinji's injury, that day was just as vivid and real. I could see every detail in her face and the clothes she wore as if she was there next to me now.

"She was crying. I couldn't believe it. She was always acting so strong, like she was invincible. But, she was crying. I did my best to comfort her. I held her and let her cry. Eventually, she let go and just sobbed in my arms against my chest. We were like that for hours. She was completely spent after that. I had to carry her back to the dorm. The next morning it was as if nothing happened. She was smiling to everyone and continued to act as their support. I was worried about her though.

"Eventually, she started to seek me out. At first I felt bad because she had been Shinji's girl, but she felt so…right. She made me happy and I gave her the support she seemed to need. When I realized I lover her…" Suddenly there weren't words for how I felt anymore.

Just imagining it made my skin crawl. She smelled like a mixture of cinnamon and something sweet but exotic like pomegranate or grapefruit. I was unique and intoxicating and still fresh in my nose. Her hair was wavy and always in that ponytail but the way it bounced with her every movement made me always want to play with it. It had been so long since I allowed myself to be lost in the memory of her.

Aoi startled me out of my trance. "So you wanted to keep her from being sad? To keep her happy and protected?"

I nodded as my memory faded to the back of my mind. "I promised myself that I would protect her and her happiness and I failed."

I expected pity or sympathy from Aoi then. I expected her to tell me how it wasn't my fault. Aoi was full of surprises. "My, how arrogant of you."

"Excuse me? Arrogant!" Here I told her my feelings. I opened up to her about Mina and she calls me arrogant! Anger boiled over and I wanted badly to punch something, anything. Even her.

"You aren't God, Akihiko."

"I never said I was! How is feeling the need to protect a loved on arrogant? Aren't you supposed to be here to help me? Instead you sit over there and insult me!"

"You don't think you're being arrogant? Or trying to be God? Can you control the emotions of others? Can you make them think what you want?"

"No, but-"

She cut me off before I could explain. "It's not your job to force happiness onto others. You think you can force people to be happy and give them everything they want, but you can't. No one can. Pretending like you're God will only serve to hurt you."

That made me stop. She was harsh, like Shinji, but I needed that. All this time I had been wearing myself out trying to protect her and her smile, but I couldn't force it on her. Just like no one could force me to be happy now. I could feel tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

_Crybaby. _Shinji's voice was ever present in my mind. For the first time since he left, I ignored him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes: **A little more excitement this time around. Maybe a few questions answered? Who knows. I might be able to do one more chapter this week. There will be NO chapters next week. If I can do one more then it'll be the last one till august 3rd or so. If not this will be. Also I would like everyone to check out the forums for Persona and check up on Rewritten Ennui's game idea. I'll be helping with that and I think all of us fans should pull together on it.

everyone- As always thank you for the kind words and the tips. Hopefully this chapter has a little more of what you love.

Fujoshi- I'm glad you don't like Aoi actually. Aki doesn't like her much either right now so hopefully I did a good job making you sympathetic towards him.

**Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Eight

As much as I hated admitting it, I cried for a while. Aoi remained behind to comfort me past her normal appointment time. I hated crying, especially in front of people. After I finally ran out of tears to shed she left but I felt strangely cleansed. Since Mina died I hadn't cried. I kept hearing Shinji's voice telling me not to. Now I felt more like myself.

My nurse at the time was overly affectionate. She didn't like seeing my tear-stained face, apparently. She had her nurse friends bring a large bucket of warm water and cloth to give me a sponge bath. I cooperated for the sake of getting this week-old layer of grime off my skin. Still it frustrated me.

She put what was basically a shower cap over my hair. The inside was warm and wet against my scalp and she massaged it a little. "This has a special shampoo in it. You don't have to rinse it off at all, so it makes washing your hair in bed really easy. Just leave it on for a few minutes."

I felt utterly ridiculous in this shower cap as she opened my hospital gown. It felt strange having a woman see me in just my boxers as she ran her hands over my chest. Mina was the only girl I had ever been with, as hard as that was for people to believe. Worse yet, she pretended not to notice the blush that spread across my skin or my occasional flinch. She was very clinical and professional but I still couldn't help but think how this might look from the outside.

I couldn't say that I felt better after the bath. I had been far too nervous and the shower cap shampoo wasn't as effective as actually washing my hair. The nurse furthered her coddling by sending another nurse to buy me a soda from a vending machine. The hospital cafeteria didn't provide anything unhealthy. She also sat and talked to me for a while about her life and her family. She had a son my age, and I reminded her of him.

When her shift was over I found myself a little disappointed. It had been nice to have company, but the next nurse was as cold as all the others. At least I looked cleaner for her.

I had learned from my previous mistake with the all nighter and took a long nap in the evening, so I could wake up just before midnight. Again the Dark Hour came, and again the Dark Hour ended without the presence of shadows or the boy. During Aoi's daily visit it was all I could really think about. I was angry with her anyway for the last talk we had and completely ignored her.

She left without me saying so much as hello or goodbye.

Almost as soon as the door closed behind her, my phone rang. It was strange that anyone would call me, as I preferred text, but when I saw it was Fuuka I answered. "Moshi moshi."

"Akihiko-senpai, don't say anything." Her voice sounded hushed but frantic. With her in such an unusual mood I followed her advice though I worried about her. "I'm on my way over to the hospital now. There's something very important we have to discuss but no one else can know. Especially Mitsuru-senpai. Please don't make a fuss or the nurse might report to her."

Keeping my voice steady with my worry growing was difficult. I wasn't good at lying. "I would love to have a visitor! I'm in room 326. After you get off the elevator, go right."

"I'll be there soon, Senpai."

For the next twenty minutes I was left alone to worry. This wasn't like Fuuka at all. She wasn't the type to sneak around and usually she listened to the others in the group. Something was horribly wrong. She was just as bad of a liar as I was so I doubted we could keep this secret for long. When she came into the room her cheeks were flushed and she held a small parcel so tightly her knuckles were white. She must have been running.

After catching her breath, she turned to the nurse. "Can I talk to Senpai alone? I-I have a present I'd like to give him."

The nurse gave me a strange look I didn't understand but luckily she had been willing to leave. "…Fuuka, what's happened?"

She sat down and leaned in close to me. Her voice dropped to a whisper in case someone was on the other side of the door. "No one can know I was here today. Everyone's decided not to tell you, but I don't think its right. You're a member of S.E.E.S. just like us and you have every right to know. Even if it upsets you."

Hiding something from me? Everyone was hiding something under Mitsuru's orders. I never thought Mitsuru would go that far. "What are they hiding from me?"

"The Dark Hour. Have you noticed that it's back?"

I knew I wasn't imagining it! It _was_ back. I was back and they all had known. Even Junpei had known on his last visit. So many questions ran through my head, but I felt like I could trust Fuuka to explain. "Yes. It's been back for the past few nights."

"Tartarus is too, but it's different. So far I haven't been able to sense a single shadow. The teleportation pads are gone. Mitsuru-senpai took Ken-kun and Koro-chan up about fifty floors and they didn't run into anything. Senpai is going to get Yukari-chan and Aigis-chan to try to help as well."

"What about me and Junpei?"

"Junpei-kun told Mitsuru-senpai he didn't want anything to do with it. He's worried about Chidori right now." She trailed off and looked at my arm in the cast as if it should have been the answer to my question "Mitsuru-senpai doesn't want you to leave the hospital. She told us not to tell you so you wouldn't worry but…but it didn't feel right. I'm sorry Senpai."

"Thank you for telling me, Fuuka." I felt a numb kind of anger slowly beginning to form. It was just another reason for me to be mad at Mitsuru.

"There's…more." She shifted uncomfortably and bit her lip. She seemed nervous. "Junpei-kun and I have both been visited during the Dark Hour by a strange presence. It was a little boy in pajamas. He claims his name is Ichiro Sanada, though I don't know the significance of his family name being the same as yours. He told us he brought the Dark Hour to make us happy…"

I wasn't really able to pay attention to the next few things she had said. Ichiro was a common name, meaning first son. It fit him well I thought. I wondered if he took my name or if Mina gave it to him. If Fuuka and Junpei had seen him then he wasn't a dream either. My Ichiro, my son, was alive.

"Mitsuru-senpai thinks if we can capture him he'll have more answers than what he's talking about freely. She also thinks if we kill him then the Dark Hour will disappear, like with Ryoji-kun."

My blood ran cold and I could feel my heart pounding. Through some miracle I had my son back. His involvement with the Dark Hour didn't matter because he was mine. I couldn't let Mitsuru take him from me. No. I _wouldn't _let her.

"Senpai?" Fuuka's worried voice drew my attention back to her. "I will do what I can to figure this out. It's my only power and I will help. Please trust me, Senpai."

It was out of my hands for that moment. I couldn't leave here without alerting the nurses and security and it wasn't likely that anyone would listen to me if I called. "You'll keep me informed?"

"As best I can. I need to go, before the nurse gets suspicious. Here, I made you some riceballs. I…I hope you feel better soon, Senpai."

She left and the nurse came back in. My head was to busy to respond when she said I must be popular with girls. Even as I ate I couldn't stop thinking. I needed a plan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes: **I need your guys' opinion on this chapter. Normally I don't get too involved but this felt strangely emotional to write and I'm afraid I became to close to it to edit properly. Any thoughts you have would be great. Otherwise, I will be on vacation next week. If you happen to be in Baltimore for Otacon, you might see me around.

Anna Gaskill- Thank you for pointing that out. I will address the issue when I come back from vacation.

everyone- don't hate me for bringing the sad back in this chapter. :D

**Warnings:** This story contains end of game spoilers for the female version (for the first play through not new game +), character death, adult themes like suicide, sex, and violence. Pairings include (so far as I know): Shinji/Mina, Aki/Mina, Junpei/Chidori, and a little bit of one sided Ken/Mina, Mitsuru/Aki, and Yukari/Junpei. That last group really is not a theme or focus.

Chapter Nine

_I never could get over how amazing Mina looked. It never mattered that we had raced all the way to the dorm and I was covered in sweat, she looked perfect. Now she stood before me and I realized how stupid it was to take her to my room. I had pulled out most of the normal furniture in favor of workout equipment. I knew I couldn't just let her sit on the floor so I franticly started looking for a cushion. _

_Her soft giggle permeated the air and forced a smile to my lips. When she laughed it reminded me of wind chimes in the spring. I could write all day about her mannerisms but I could never speak them to her. She would probably think I was foolish. We talked for a short time and I couldn't get over the fact that Mina, my angel, was in my room. She was the first girl I had let anywhere near there. _

_I had been thinking for a long time about the fact that she still called me Senpai. It didn't bother me; nothing she had ever done bothered me. Still, something didn't feel right. I wanted her to call me Aki. Like Miki and Shinji did. Part of me felt nervous that she wouldn't, like she would feel offended by my informality. Then another said that she never seemed to get offended by anything that ever happened. I was at war with myself. Finally I managed to force the request out but I was nervous and only felt like more of a fool when I heard the fear in my voice. _

_She smiled that warm smile and leaned in closer. "Aki." She pronounced each letter carefully as our eyes meet. I felt like I could see somehow threw the ruby red that was there and into something deeper. When she said my name like that my whole body relaxed. It felt _right_. _

_I wanted to tell her how much I liked to hear her say it. I wanted to tell her how much it made me feel like I was floating but before I had the chance she scooted closer to me so her hand rested on my chest. I could feel heat spread over my whole body and less than pure thoughts ran threw my head. "Aki." The second time she spoke it her voice was raspy and dripped with some kind of desire. _

_At first I thought it must have been in my imagination. There's no way someone like Mina would look at me like she was or talk to me like she was. I wasn't the type to be desired, not by girls like her. Then she leaned in further, her eyes closed. She was going to kiss me! My heart was pounding as if it wanted to touch her hand. I needed to do something. Slowly, of their own accord, my arms snaked around her waist. _

_Instinct took over. I pulled her close and that intoxicating smell entered my nose. It was sweet but had that hint of spice that was just enough to make it so she didn't smell like those oppressive girls following me around. A jolt went through my body and my head tilted to the side in preparation of our lips meeting._

I woke with a sudden jolt right before my lips touched hers. I could still feel her warmth around me. Even the weight of her hand on my heart as she leaned forward felt dangerously real. I didn't even remember falling asleep. I glanced over to see the nurse that had been with me was transmogrified. I'd missed the coming of the dark hour.

"C-chi…chi?"

I immediately recognized the voice and turned. I expected to see the boy in pajamas like before. I had so many questions and now I had a name to his face, Ichiro.

Instead of what I was expecting I turned to see the small boy battered and bruised. His striped pajamas were torn in various places and his pale skin was littered with scratches. At first I was angry. I had no idea who had hurt him but someone had. I wanted to _kill _whoever did it. The desire to protect my son was intense, probably the most intense thing I had ever felt. Then I saw the tears in his eyes.

God he looked so much like Mina.

My anger melted away to something I couldn't understand or explain. Without thinking twice about it, I wanted to pick him up and hold him, but with the cast it was impossible. "Ichi…it'll be alright. I'm here now. Come on." I extended my good hand out to him to invite him up to my bed.

Just before he started to cry he managed to pull himself up and collapse into my chest. His tiny body trembled every time he sobbed and I could feel my hospital gown getting wet with his tears. I wrapped my casted arm around him to hold him close and used my good hand to gently stroke his light colored hair. The motion disturbed the port and sent tiny pulses of pain through my hand, but I didn't care. This was far more important.

I don't remember what I said. Small words of comfort that lost their meaning the instant they left my lips. I repeated things like 'it's alright' and 'you're safe' over and over. I knew somehow that none of this would truly calm him. If he was anything like me then he would need to stop on his own.

Finally he started to speak, though it didn't give me any of the information I needed. "I ripped Oji-chan's clothes…"

He had mentioned an uncle before. I figured he had to mean Shinji after I learned his identity, but I knew Shinji didn't have any clothes that would fit a child, much less these kinds of clothes. "…If he's your uncle then he won't be angry. I'm sure he'll understand. Tell me what happened, Ichi."

"He's Haha's friend. They were very close a long time ago. He used to wear these clothes when he visited her so he let me have 'em." I could tell from the tone in his voice that he was still crying. He was trying hard to stop though.

Carefully I pushed a bit of his hair away from his face. My hand encountered something hard and cold that sent chills threw me. Upon further investigation it was a bit of ice that had hardened on the strands and formed a tangle. It was slowly melting away from my body heat. It only raised more questions. "Please, Ichi, tell me what happened."

"I only wanted to help!" The sudden tone of anger and sadness hit me hard. He was suffering terribly. "They've been watching everyone. They've been so worried. They thought that since the Dark Hour was gone and everyone was safe you guys would be happy. But no one's happy."

His sobs came out harder and his tiny fists clung to my clothes in desperation. "I didn't want them to cry watching you all any more. I thought…I thought if things went back to how they were when everyone was happy then Haha wouldn't have to cry anymore. Everyone hates me now!"

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him away from my chest so I could see his face. Tears streamed down and his ruby red eyes shown brightly in the creepy moonlight. I made sure he was looking at me. "I will _never _hate you. I love you, Ichiro." The words came from a place that I had never spoken from before. It wasn't something I had to come up with in my head or force out. It wasn't something that I over thought and became muddled in my awkwardness. This was from somewhere deeper within me. I meant every word, ever sentiment, from my heart.

Immediately his tears stopped. I felt my heart lighten slightly in that at least I had calmed him. At least I had helped. "I love you too, Chichi. You're the best daddy in the world." He clung to me again, but I didn't mind. His words lifted my spirit more. I knew it was a lie, at least in my mind. There was no way I was, but if he thought that then maybe I had handled this situation correctly. I didn't know, I had nothing to compare it to.

"Ichi, this is very important. Who hurt you? What happened?"

"I just wanted to talk. I explained to some why I was there and why they needed me. They didn't like me either. The hat-man told me to go away and he didn't want me to come back. The quiet-lady told me I was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. I went to see someone else today, the pretty-lady. At least I thought she was the pretty-lady, but she wasn't. She's just mean. She said that she would stop me and that she would take me for questioning but I didn't want to go with her. If I went with her I couldn't see the other people and I couldn't see you. She sent the mean persona after me. It was cold."

There was no question in my mind he was talking about Mitsuru. After what Fuuka had said and seeing the ice there was no one else it could have been. Somehow I was able to contain my anger and remain passively calm for his sake. I didn't need for him to see me upset, not when he was counting on me to be strong. "I didn't know what else to do. I…I did something bad then. Don't be mad at me, Chichi…"

"What did you do?" I knew it didn't matter what he answered, the likelihood that I'd ever be mad at him was gone the moment I learned he was my son.

"I stole from the mean-lady." He reached into the waist band of his pants and pulled out a small wrapped bundle. "I brought it for you. She didn't see me take it."

I unwrapped it hesitantly. I should have told him that stealing was wrong, but I didn't care. It was just Mitsuru and at that point I would have rather never talked about her again. The gift was a sleek looking pistol shining as if it were brand new. S.E.E.S. was printed in delicate letters on the side. It was warm and light to hold, not like a real pistol at all. "Ceaser…"

Ichiro nodded with a slightly smile. It was the first look of happiness since he arrived. At least he was able to ignore the pain of his minor wounds. "If mean-lady comes after me…I wouldn't know what to do…"

I focused my mind on healing _diahran_. "Ceaser!" It felt so much better than the real pistol had. I felt Ceaser's presence fill me then spill out. He appeared next to the bed, rose his arm and I watched Ichiro get enveloped in light. As Ceaser receded back within me all of the cuts on the little child disappeared into nothingness. "I wouldn't let her. Ceaser and I will protect you, always."

He snuggled back against me with a happy sigh. Somehow everything was alright again. I felt better as the loneliness in my heart disappeared. "Thank you, Chichi. You're the best…but…I have to go now."

"Go? Why?"

"I can only come during my time. Don't worry. I'll come back tomorrow. There's a full moon…"

Just like that he was gone. The nurse was back to normal and small light on my phone was back on. At first I was worried that I had just awoken from another dream, but the envoker in my hands was proof enough. I shoved it under my pillow before it was seen, no one would be happy about me having a gun like object.

Full moon or not, I knew what I had to do now. I'd be willing to protect my son with my life and if it meant turning against Mitsuru, then so be it.


End file.
